You don't have to walk this path; it's your choice.And that's all I needed to hear. Praise the Lord. He also told me to read the bottom of my email. Yes, he's so right ... there it is where I see it several times a day; I guess I just got used to it. Here's what it says:
Some choose their road and accept its destination,
others choose their destination and accept the road.
I still went outside and sat there for an hour or so ... fell asleep off and on ... but mostly just thanked the Lord for His hand in my life, repented of my bad attitude, and prayed for strength to endure and wisdom. I always knew and know that He has the best in mind for me, even if I cannot see how what is going on RIGHT NOW fits into where He wants me to be. Just like my struggles a while ago with separating from my adulterous relationship - that was very hard and I really did not want to go through it. I knew where I needed to be and I knew where I was, but I certainly did NOT want to go through all of it; I just wanted to 'magically' [don't like that word] be where I needed to be without all the bumps, struggles, etc. along the way. But you know, that's where all the growing comes in ... getting from one point to the next. So many lessons to learn and ways to grow.
Praise the Lord for the path I have chosen. Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace.